Planning and Anxiety: It's Complicated

The relationship between planning and anxiety is complicated. You make plans one minute when you’re feeling great but when the time comes to show up, you get hit with one of those god-awful panic attacks. You want to stick to your word and stay in integrity with what you said you were going to do, but your body has its own plans.

 Choose Carefully and Don’t Over-commit

You know that cancelling plans or backing out on an obligation is going to make you feel badly, so stop saying yes to things you don’t want to do. Stress occurs when your body says no but your mouth says “I’d love to.” Really listen to yourself and how you physically react to the thought of doing something when you can't decide if you want to go or not. 

 Give Yourself Grace

In these moments, it’s important to talk to yourself like you would talk to a child. Imagine a child was supposed to go to a birthday party but threw a tantrum moments before you were supposed to leave and was visibly upset. You’d give the child time to calm down. You’d ask her what was wrong. You’d mention all the reasons going to the party is going to be fun, and let her know it’s OK that she’s scared but there’s nothing she needs to worry about. Too often we give ourselves tough love in these moments, which usually leads to bullying ourselves. This is the worst of both worlds because we feel guilty for not going AND we don’t even feel relief from not going to the thing that was causing us anxiety in the first place. 

 Give Your Anxiety a Silly Name
When you feel the unwelcome sensation of anxiety appear, name it something laughable, like banana. “What are you doing here, banana?” This separates you from the feeling while acknowledging it’s still there. Observing and not judging your feelings does wonders for letting them pass quickly.

Be Honest About it

Having anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, and you might be underestimating the people around you if you don't think they'll understand. You're canceling because of something outside of your control. You don’t even have to go into details if you don't feel comfortable doing so; a simple “Hey, I’m really not feeling well and won’t be able to make it today—I hope you understand” will do the trick. You need to be careful here because rescheduling won’t solve anything. You’ll feel the exact same way when the time comes for the rescheduled plan, so you either want to cancel or let the other person know that you’re feeling anxious so that they can help talk you through it. Your friends don’t want to cause you anxiety, so they’ll likely just try to make you feel better or give you the time and space you need to reorient yourself. People will often surprise you if you let them.

xoxo,

Allison