In Memory of Kaitlyn Unger
I am proud to announce I am running my first full marathon this upcoming Sunday, November 20, 2022. In addition to the race, I will be raising money for a cause that hits close to home- cancer research. I lost a dear friend and roommate to cancer; no one should say goodbye at 25.
https://www.runsignup.com/allisonhaleyrun
Thank you for your support.
(originally published on 11.17.2019)
I met Kaitlyn Unger in the bathroom on our first day at CDW. Life was new and exciting; we were fresh college graduates, 22 years old and living on our own in downtown Chicago. The whole world was in front of us.
Kaitlyn and I became incredibly close as we progressed through sales training, then sales academy, then onto our respective hiring teams. While we were in completely different segments, we still found ways to compete, each of us trying to come up with ways to one up the other to prove which one of us was the better account manager. We drove our other roommate crazy, always talking about our work the way we did. Looking back now, it was so stupid, but it was also so us.
I'm not going to pretend I was the perfect friend or roommate to Kaitlyn, because that simply isn’t true, but I loved her so incredibly much. She was like a sister to me. I wouldn’t have survived in Chicago without her in the beginning. She showed me the ropes and helped me adapt to a city I knew nothing about.
When I needed to take the train to the airport, it was Kaitlyn who walked me there and helped make sure I got on OK. When I had nowhere else to go for Thanksgiving, it was Kaitlyn's family who welcomed me with open arms and open hearts. When it was -40degrees in Chicago and we still had to go into work, we made the trek together.
After 2 years of living together, we were each SO ready for our own apartments. I moved out a month early, that's how ready I was.
I'm not sure if it was because of our close proximity to each other for so long or of our closeness as friends, but I knew something wasn't right when I noticed Kaitlyn was taking more and more time off work. I'll never forget when I got her text message:
"I know you have been concerned. I had another dr appointment today that I wanted to wait until it was over to fill everyone in on. My results did come back as cancerous, so I have a small cancer tumor that spread to my lymph node. It's only like in between stage 2/3 and since we caught it earlier enough and since I am young enough there is no reason I cannot beat it."
She sent me this message on September 24, 2015. Even though she didn't pass away until the following November, this was the day I lost her. I was there for her as best as I could be in the months following her diagnosis, but things were never the same as much as I hoped or tried to pretend they might be. This was the point of no return.
Kaitlyn beat her cancer 6 months later, after intensive rounds of chemo and radiation. I was so happy to see her persevere in the midst of such an unfair situation, but it felt like the distance between us became too far to cross. She had come face to face with death, and I think she gained a new depth and perspective to life that I simply didn't have. I was still obsessed with my job, drank as my primary form of socialization and saw my family occasionally at best. As much as I tried to relate, I had no conceptual understanding of what she had been through. We kept in touch mainly through skype or text message.
One day my Kaitlyn sense was triggered again. "Have you heard from Unger?" I texted my friend JJ, one of our fellow CDW classmates.
"No, but you’re the second person who's asked me that today. Why, is something going on?"
"I'm not sure. I texted her a few times but I haven't heard back and she hasn’t been at work. I'm worried about her." I shot back.
My fears were confirmed the next day; Kaitlyn's cancer had come back with a vengeance, and this time she lost her life. Kaitlyn passed away on November 17, 2016. She was 25 years old.
Kaitlyn's death was the first time I ever experienced grief. People in my life had died before, but it never felt like my loss. I always felt sad on account of someone else. It never felt like I was able to claim the pain as my own.
I guess the message of what I wanted to share is that you can have someone in your life who still makes an impact, even if they aren't physically present. I'm blessed and fortunate enough to have had a friend like Kaitlyn in the first place, and it brings me peace in times of angst knowing I have an angel looking out for me. I love you Kaitlyn, and I hope to make you proud.
