Cancel Your Plans

The issue with planning in advance is that you never know how you are going to feel in the actual moment. What if you get hit with a panic attack? What if you become overwhelmingly tired and really want to stay home and sleep? What if you were overzealous in committing to the plans in the first place and after you take a step back and remove yourself from the situation, you realize you don't actually even want to go.....?

Breathe. Relax. Cancel. 

If there is one thing 2020 taught us, it is that you can't plan everything. Here are some rules I have for cancelling without coming across in the worst way. 

Give as much notice as you can

Be honest with yourself and your friend (or whoever you made plans with) and let them know as soon as you know you want to cancel. You need to trust your gut. Make sure to honor reservations or concrete plans, or at least expect to pay any of the fees associated with cancelling. Commitments are important, but your wellbeing is more important. Only doing something because someone else wants you to is a fast track to unhappiness, and a bad habit that needs to be kicked now. 

Don't Postpone

If you don't want to do something now, chances are you really aren't going to want to do it later. The sense of relief you feel from changing the thing you don't want to do from Tuesday to Thursday is fleeting, so rip the bandaid off and cancel the damn thing. Postponing only provides you with limited benefits and is usually inauthentic. 

Be Honest

Honesty is (almost) always the best policy. Your real friends won't argue with your truth.  

DON'T:

"I'm really anxious about Saturday"

You can open the dialogue beyond that about why said plan causes you anxiety, but be firm and don't dance around the decision. Don't expect them to make the decision for you; that is your job and it's foolish to give your power away like that. Also, no long, needy explanations. No one reads long texts anymore and your ass is going to get screenshotted and made to look desperate. 

But, there is a way of accomplishing your desired end with slightly tweaked messaging. 

DO:

"I know we originally planned to do xyz but it is causing me a lot of anxiety. I need to do what's right for me, so I am going to cancel." 

It's not perfect, but it's forthright and effective. 

And, most importantly.....

Be Careful About Who and What You Commit To

I have become increasingly particular with the things I commit to doing. Look earnestly at the commitment you are making- is it a heat of the moment thing? Is it something you can do without feeling stressed about spending the money involved? Are you looking forward to it? If you're on the fence, wait out on making the commitment. I'd rather be noncommittal than flaky any day of the week.

Now go cancel your plans! Lol jk ideally don't, but hope this helps you in case you do :) 

xoxo, 

Allison